RIOTS, NOT DIETS!

Earlier this week I was in the city looking for a place to eat and I saw a cute Vietnamese restaurant tucked away in a corner. I was so excited. If you’ve ever had an iced Vietnamese coffee with crème then you know what I’m talking about. I was alone but I wanted to treat myself to something nice. I entered the restaurant and was directed to a table near a window. I went to sit down only to find that I literally had to wedge my fat ass into the chair.

Oh, the bad feelings.

I quickly looked around to find a different chair that I could trade this one for but they were all the same. This was a restaurant designed (unintentionally) for skinny people. I was so upset! I felt like they should just put a sign on the door that says ‘No Fatties Allowed!’ Of course, since this was after all a restaurant, I had to order food while feeling like I should never eat again. I ate my meal with an extra large serving of guilt on the side and left the restaurant feeling like this world was just not built for the likes of me.

Then I remembered a quote I recently read, “It is no measure of good health to be well adjusted in a profoundly sick society.” This felt like my own personal battle cry. I’m fat and I’m revolutionary! RIOTS, NOT DIETS! UP YOURS, SOCIETY!

Our society is centered around making people feel wrong so that we will buy what they’re selling. From moral ideologies to diet pills, they call me ugly so I will willingly consume the bullshit they lay out for me. The problem is that I see it for what it is and I eat it anyway. After 28 years, I have to stop and ask myself, ‘why?’ and here’s what I came up with.

I am an extrovert in an introverts body. I love interesting and positive human interaction but I’ve sold myself this idea that in order to do this I have to be a certain way. This is not only true for social interactions but with my career, my ability to get adequate health care, my willingness to take steps towards actualizing goals and dreams, etc. This leaves me with the feeling that I have only 2 choices: to hold back and starve myself of life and human interactions OR to buy all the diet pills and pimple cream in the world, god somebody please be my friend. After a few years of living this way I have forgotten how to exist without being wanted. I have lost my identity and believe you me, it isn’t worth it.

The truth is that there is a 3rd choice in the equation and that is to STOP EATING THE BULLSHIT, DUMMY! It’s just not good for you! It sucks your energy and your soul until there is nothing left but lipstick and despair. Of course, this is easier said than done. Old habits die hard and all that. But with time, practise and some self awareness I can make a difference not only in my life, but in the perceptions of the world around me. That truly is revolutionary.

There is a whole universe out there with people to do and things to meet (you heard me) and I refuse to remain hidden in the corner looking at my arm flab in the mirror! Not any more.

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5 thoughts on “RIOTS, NOT DIETS!

  1. I’ll just leave this here:

    “Cause you can’t find it on a dollar bill
    And it ain’t on Macy’s window sill
    And it ain’t on no rich kid’s road map
    And it ain’t in no fat kid’s fraternity house
    And it ain’t made in no Hollywood wheat germ
    And it ain’t on that dimlit stage
    With that half-wit comedian on it
    Ranting and raving and taking yer money
    And you thinks it’s funny
    No you can’t find it in no night club or no yacht club
    And it ain’t in the seats of a supper club
    And sure as hell you’re bound to tell
    That no matter how hard you rub
    You just ain’t a-gonna find it on yer ticket stub
    No, and it ain’t in the rumors people’re tellin’ you
    And it ain’t in the pimple-lotion people are sellin’ you
    And it ain’t in no cardboard-box house
    Or down any movie star’s blouse
    And you can’t find it on the golf course
    And Uncle Remus can’t tell you and neither can Santa Claus
    And it ain’t in the cream puff hair-do or cotton candy clothes
    And it ain’t in the dime store dummies or bubblegum goons
    And it ain’t in the marshmallow noises of the chocolate cake voices
    That come knockin’ and tappin’ in Christmas wrappin’
    Sayin’ ain’t I pretty and ain’t I cute and look at my skin
    Look at my skin shine, look at my skin glow
    Look at my skin laugh, look at my skin cry
    When you can’t even sense if they got any insides
    These people so pretty in their ribbons and bows
    No you’ll not now or no other day
    Find it on the doorsteps made out-a paper mache
    And inside it the people made of molasses
    That every other day buy a new pair of sunglasses
    And it ain’t in the fifty-star generals and flipped-out phonies
    Who’d turn yuh in for a tenth of a penny
    Who breathe and burp and bend and crack
    And before you can count from one to ten
    Do it all over again but this time behind yer back
    My friend
    The ones that wheel and deal and whirl and twirl
    And play games with each other in their sand-box world
    And you can’t find it either in the no-talent fools
    That run around gallant
    And make all rules for the ones that got talent
    And it ain’t in the ones that ain’t got any talent but think they do
    And think they’re foolin’ you
    The ones who jump on the wagon
    Just for a while ’cause they know it’s in style
    To get their kicks, get out of it quick
    And make all kinds of money and chicks
    And you yell to yourself and you throw down yer hat
    Sayin’, “Christ do I gotta be like that
    Ain’t there no one here that knows where I’m at
    Ain’t there no one here that knows how I feel
    Good God Almighty
    THAT STUFF AIN’T REAL”

    tl,dr: Then enjoy this very short Tyler Durden quote: “I say never be complete, I say stop being perfect, I say let… lets evolve, let the chips fall where they may.”

  2. Amy, this is what it’s about. It’s about identity. And our identities are so much more than our bodies. And, thank god for that, because bodies get old and ugly no matter what size you are. You are amazing. I’m glad that I read this. Now, I’m going to read all the other smart things you’ve shared. 🙂

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