Earlier this week I was in the city looking for a place to eat and I saw a cute Vietnamese restaurant tucked away in a corner. I was so excited. If you’ve ever had an iced Vietnamese coffee with crème then you know what I’m talking about. I was alone but I wanted to treat myself to something nice. I entered the restaurant and was directed to a table near a window. I went to sit down only to find that I literally had to wedge my fat ass into the chair.
Oh, the bad feelings.
I quickly looked around to find a different chair that I could trade this one for but they were all the same. This was a restaurant designed (unintentionally) for skinny people. I was so upset! I felt like they should just put a sign on the door that says ‘No Fatties Allowed!’ Of course, since this was after all a restaurant, I had to order food while feeling like I should never eat again. I ate my meal with an extra large serving of guilt on the side and left the restaurant feeling like this world was just not built for the likes of me.
Then I remembered a quote I recently read, “It is no measure of good health to be well adjusted in a profoundly sick society.” This felt like my own personal battle cry. I’m fat and I’m revolutionary! RIOTS, NOT DIETS! UP YOURS, SOCIETY!
Our society is centered around making people feel wrong so that we will buy what they’re selling. From moral ideologies to diet pills, they call me ugly so I will willingly consume the bullshit they lay out for me. The problem is that I see it for what it is and I eat it anyway. After 28 years, I have to stop and ask myself, ‘why?’ and here’s what I came up with.
I am an extrovert in an introverts body. I love interesting and positive human interaction but I’ve sold myself this idea that in order to do this I have to be a certain way. This is not only true for social interactions but with my career, my ability to get adequate health care, my willingness to take steps towards actualizing goals and dreams, etc. This leaves me with the feeling that I have only 2 choices: to hold back and starve myself of life and human interactions OR to buy all the diet pills and pimple cream in the world, god somebody please be my friend. After a few years of living this way I have forgotten how to exist without being wanted. I have lost my identity and believe you me, it isn’t worth it.
The truth is that there is a 3rd choice in the equation and that is to STOP EATING THE BULLSHIT, DUMMY! It’s just not good for you! It sucks your energy and your soul until there is nothing left but lipstick and despair. Of course, this is easier said than done. Old habits die hard and all that. But with time, practise and some self awareness I can make a difference not only in my life, but in the perceptions of the world around me. That truly is revolutionary.
There is a whole universe out there with people to do and things to meet (you heard me) and I refuse to remain hidden in the corner looking at my arm flab in the mirror! Not any more.